Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

to obey or not to obey


this is one of the most common reminders which i believe most parents would tell their children. given their age, i agree that they indeed have experienced and seen more than us, the younger generation. though some of us are pretty rebellious(uh-humm..) and prefer to do it the 'no-pain-no-gain' way, well, it is not a wrong path either.

few weekend nights ago, i was chatting with my Malaysian close friend's younger brother, Jo. i knew his sister throughout my whole high school life and we were both inseparable. as time passes, we went our own directions in life but we still kept in touch once in a while. so i asked him how is she doing and all, and he said,

"she's doing pretty well, obviously had her downfall too regardless how frequently she's been advised or warned by us(his family) of the choices she makes. she is just stubborn in that way but she's getting through fine."

recalling the crazy things we did, yeah.. i would say, i was a little more of a timid girl. 'obedient' would be a more appropriate word but it doesn't justify as i had tinsyyy mischievous side too. Dad would vouch that that side of me have grown bigger - which cost me my leg. yes, i tore my ACL 7 months ago due to a mild accident and ACL injury is usually a sports injury. or to be little more sexist, men's injury. sighs. guess my friends were right when they said i've gotten a little too manly - characteristically, not physically!

of course, i didn't get to hide it from Mom and Dad. i swear, i wasn't even as afraid in the operation room as i was when Mom saw me during their last December trip to Singapore. hell yeah i felt bad, not for making my parents angry(okay, partially), i felt even worse the fact that i am unable to support them financially as i was on hospitalization leave. think age might have been the reason that Mom didn't actually scolded me that bad, but she just said the line, "you must listen to the elderly". in case if you're wondering, that is a direct translation for the Chinese sentence above.

the other person i felt bad for making her worry is my grandmother, whom Dad went and shocked her with the news. Dad told her that i was such a mischievous rascal(.. whut, a little too old to be a rascal lei..) in Hokkien but she was so quick to come to my defense and said, "its not mischievous - its curious. if kids are not curious, what and when will they ever learn?"

AH HAHAHAHA.. 'kids'.. me..

so then i thought about it, should one be an obedient, bubble-wrapped child and stay away from a boiling kettle or should one be intrigued to venture into uncertainty and learn his or her lesson if there is ever any mishap? will the former turn out to be socially awkward? or will the latter fall deeper into a point of no return? what will become of their future? how shall a parent ever have peace if they know they have raised a monster? (jeng jeng jengggg...)

that got a little out of hand. guess there is no definite answer to raising a child - but sorry to say this, i believe in 'spare the rod and spoil the child' so don't go call child services on me. REALLY, my siblings(except moi) had caning for desserts every meal and my guy friends, a little more unfortunate, got their Dads' belt buckles. yikes. enough of the torture - the most important task in raising an individual is building a substantial foundation and core values of life. and utmost definitely, unspoken moral support and undying paternal love. it is easier to be said than done, but at the very least, you know you've raised a survivor cos at the end of the day, nobody lives forever to know what's gonna happen next. look at Vincent van Gogh - i'm sorry thats totally not relevant.

seriously, raising a child has never been an easy task and i'm freaking myself out now. *breathes* its not so bad i guess, looking at how many of us are there in the family. Mom said to me before,

"no matter how old you all are, or how tough you try to be, you will always be our daughters/sons. a parent's worries can never end."

PS: another random fact, i've come to realize that it is impossible to be completely focused with EDM and my speaker blasting directly in my face.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

story of your life.

"what if you found a book that tells you the story of your whole life? would you pick it up and read it till the end?"

urm.. no. it's fucking scary to know what will happen to you in the future - that's why i am quite skeptical when it comes to fortune telling. i won't deny that i visited a couple of fortune tellers before and it was only because of my obligations to Mom. honestly, their predictions of how my life is going to be, are super general. i told Mom before why i don't want to go through that and it is definitely not due to religious reasons. sighs she didn't believe me and thought i have no faith in the Big Guy.

it is pretty simple and you don't have to agree to my logic. i feel that the predictions that they give will have some psychological effect on the person - whether he/she chooses to believe it or not, any information that goes into the brain, it is hard to erase it especially when its about his/her life. and come on, a stranger tells you about your future and what they will do to 'change' your fate, there is no guarantee or warranty letter that says, if it doesn't happen, you get your money back. even if there is such thing, look at the amount of time you've wasted just because someone's predictions go wrong.

however, there is a kind of book i would be interested to find out, a book that tells what if i were to make a different choice. that maybe i'll just flip to one chapter of my life. whether it'll be a regret or relieve to me, it doesn't matter cos it is the one and only question i've been pondering for a year, if i have made the right choice.

maybe just one fine day, someone or something will tell me the answer.

* right person at the wrong time *

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

butterfly effect.

it stopped raining a few months back and the heat was unbearable plus humid. no joke for those who own cars with leather seats and park in the open carpark. look nice but leather seats absorb a skin-scorching amount of heat. just recently, downpour decided to come to our rescue - AMEN to that.

downpour made her grand entrance yesterday evening and my best friend and i had to wait in some dodgy cafe till it was safe to walk to the nearest MRT station without getting soaked. as we made our way there, i saw an Indian man by the roadside and what he did caught my attention.

this Indian man was clearing fallen leaves from a small hole by the roadside, that drains water on the driveway to the main drainage - with his bare hand. he didn't do it just once. the moment i saw him from afar, there were already a pile of leaves next to him and he picked the leaves when it got clogged again. then he stood there again with an umbrella in his other hand and watched as the water drained away.

oddly, nobody paid any attention to him when he did it. considering he is a foreign working Indian man, probably passers-by might assumed that he is doing his job. i choose to believe that he did out of goodwill. oh my mistake, one Chinese uncle noticed him. he gave the Indian man what seemed to be a 'well-done' pat on his shoulder before he hopped into the bus. faith in humanity restored.

since i was young up till now, from school days till my current working life, i felt that everyone deserves a benefit of a doubt and that there is good in every people. like i've mentioned, to trust people is first to bet on the good in people. there is no doubt, some people might do good just for their own benefits, like making their bosses notice them for quicker promotion, posting photos of them helping out in welfare centers, telling people of the good things they do just so people would say, "oh you're such a nice person".

ok the last one cringes me cos i know of someone who does that all the time on Twitter to a point she even tweeted, "just offered an old ahma my seat in the train. feels so good =)".

...... yes. that was my reaction.

whatever makes her happy. and that old ahma.

its not a crime, them wanting people to know they're doing good deeds - let's just look at it, like how we encourage young children to do something nice. when they do, we shower them with praises and they'll want to do more good things to get the same ecstasy. its the recognition most people yearn for sometimes(don't lie that you don't). when i was working, i was told by my senior colleague that if i happened to get compliments from customers/passengers, i should ask them to write me a compliment feedback to the company. it seems shameless, i told him. if a job is well done, it is up to the customer to decide whether to give a feedback or not - not me telling them to do so and it'll look insincere on both parts. he told me, "you shouldn't think of it that way. its a both win-win situation what".

true. it is a win-win situation. you'll be happy helping others. the one receiving your help will be happy too. it doesn't matter if it seems silly or insignificant - really. very simple gesture like smiling or acknowledging bus drivers with a nod as you hop in the bus, holding doors for people, thanking service staff, listening to your friends' frustrations can make a difference.

"sincerity lasts longer than recognition". the most important thing to remember, treat nobody as invisible and everybody has the ability to make someone's day a better one.

:) as Mom said, "do good. its good for your heart".

PS: back to that Indian gentleman, considerate is an understatement to describe him. his act may be small but it is undeniably remarkable. i kudos to you, my good man.

* never underestimate - even the smallest has the power to change *

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

DJ Shadow - Scale It Back feat. Little Dragon (Robotaki Remix)

  " i thought i heard someone say fly far away"

Friday, March 21, 2014

which will rock your world longer and harder?

"I’ve been told that a relationship — or the beginnings of one, at least — are not much different than a puzzle. Initially, it is quite easy to build. However, as the relationship progresses, it becomes substantially more difficult to determine which piece belongs where. I’m sure we are all guilty of trying to force pieces into specific spots as we grow increasingly annoyed with the puzzle. Love doesn’t seem to be so different. When a relationship starts, it’s rather effortless. As the relationship continues, it becomes harder. How does one know if the pieces to the relationship are headed toward “true” love (whatever that may be) or if it’s merely an infatuation — a manufactured Hollywood version of love?
Love, according to the dictionary, is “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.” Meanwhile, infatuation is defined as “the act of inspiring foolish or extravagant love or admiration.” Let’s take a moment to analyze these definitions. I think the two key words in each definition respectively, are constant and foolish. Love is characterized by contentment and stability. Infatuation is driven by thought and desire, rather than heart.

Love is measured in time, a manifestation of a couple’s physical chemistry developed over a reasonable period. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t imagine people just wake up one day and decide to be in love. Love is a progressive, conscientious decision.
I, by no means, am trying to minimize the romance and passion in a relationship. I would argue that because love takes so long to develop, the romance is much more intimate, as you know you both share an immeasurable connection with each other.
When you love someone, you love him or her because it feels good, it’s natural and it’s healthy. It doesn’t require thought or consternation. Neither partner is trapped in his or her heads, questioning the legitimacy of the relationship. No one is hung up, spending his or her time analyzing every little thing. The relationship is a symbol of security, of peace.
When you’re in love, you are not projecting your insecurities onto the other person. You experience an element of selflessness — there is no expectation associated with the relationship. You love the person simply because.

Infatuation is measured by desire. Infatuation is selfish in that regard, as you project onto a person your idea of who you think he or she is. You get a superficial notion in your head that the person in whom you’re interested can completely fulfill your needs until you deem those needs met. There is nothing equal about infatuation.
A person who is infatuated with his or her potential suitor is using the suitor to fulfill personal needs. That’s why you constantly wish to be around that person, which can be incredibly stifling for him or her.
Merely an intensified crush, infatuation has been known to cause a feeling of euphoria that is similar to recreational drug use. Infatuation results from those very addictive chemical reactions in the brain, which is why it progresses so quickly. It is an addiction of sorts — you recklessly invest yourself in order to get that fix and there is no time to think rationally.
Likewise, when the feelings pass, you will likely be left feeling unfulfilled. There is nothing truly healthy about this sort of relationship. Ironically, when it ends, you’ll feel used because you’ll realize that what you thought you needed was not the answer. You should never feel like you need a person — you don’t need a person by your side to define who you are.

Putting the pieces together
Back to the puzzle: When you are in love, you will be confident that you will be able to complete that puzzle. There is a solid partnership between you and the pieces, a mutual understanding to help each other. It takes time to finish, but you will never find yourself giving up on it out of frustration. Infatuation is that puzzle that you never end up completing, the one that just sits there.
When you see it, all the bad memories keep flooding back to you. In the beginning, it might have seemed like a good idea. However, as you progressed, the pieces just wouldn’t fit."

this is an article by Andrew Degand on Elite, titled 'The Importance of Discovering the Difference Between Love and Infatuation' and it was forwarded to me, with a message, "think you might be able to relate yourself to this". such a dear of him to remember me when he saw this article.

well, can i conclude that - it has always been lust at first sight. love will come in later. we'll see about that. nevertheless i still repost this as this is an interesting article not to share =

"matters like love or business, are best assured with confidence than assumed with doubts. nonetheless, if you have to do the assuring yourself all the times, your assurance is as good as assumption."